08 June 2006

percived world

today
the second Thursday of the month waking up at 11
I will transcribe
for my sister still schoolbound at
“a blue ribbon school of excellence”
messy journal entries
“I wish I had a tape player to record the things he says”
cherylin said, who skimmed her pink notepad with stars
that said simply for that day “ego”

twelve pages of notes to self
the first family debacle full of to do lists &
spoken threats
I will edit down & cut to pieces
“shut up before I hit you”
the deadline of forgetting about it
like a real father
& she will probably never read it

why am I wasting time
that could be paying me to lift lumber
for poetry?
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2 comments:

ehammelshaver said...

wow, it's really cool to see the same form i arbitrarily wrote in used consciously in someone else's writing. maybe i'll try again, just to see how it is to write into a form instead of making one with my lines.

you used the italics really well to show that classic undercurrent of a dysfunctional family. the middle stanza, especially, is made really strong with your commentary. and i think the contrast of the last stanza makes for a very powerful conclusion.

what are you doing this summer instead of construction?

9/6/06 1:43 PM
Stephen Imperato said...

ive got to weigh in on this theme eventually. but i have yet to figure out how to make things italicized. and ive been a little preoccupied with the WORLD CUP!!!!!!

i like this form, especially when it lines up just right so that the italicized lines flow like its own poem. your second stanza is brilliantly blended. "spoken threats/shut up before i hit you/like a real father" mixed in with the information and illustrations of notebook pages and journal entries.
i like.

but i question the title. where does it fit in? it sounds like the title of a book about drug experimentation--cheesy stoner lit. was it just to help it fit in coming after emily's "real world" poem?

but i love the way that you kept the theme of your poem similar to emily's, having the topic circle back from the very personal conflict illustrated in the first 2 stanzas back to your own thoughts on writing poetry and being jobless for the summer.

my turn!

9/6/06 5:11 PM

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