28 May 2007

An Atlantic Engagement

The tide coming into shore slowly.

A rocky beach, for looking not swimming.

Careful steps onto outcroppings into the sound.

The sun a soup of reds & yellows.

Just enough light to reflect off of eyes &
a stone setting two lives to one.

2 comments:

Stephen Imperato said...

the last two lines are the strength of this piece here.
is it one piece? or do the double spaces between lines denote separate poetic units?
they seem a bit disconnected, but pertinent to the same theme. lines one, two, and three don't excite me very much. tital imagery seems a little too easy. "looking not swimming" is interesting, but what does it say? "careful steps" also feels too easy. but the sun soup and the stone setting two lives to one is marvelous.

sunsets are just a silly thing to try to describe sometimes. there's the sun, there's the horizon, and there's the sky. not much else to it. but metaphor is the only way to make something like that worth a poem. this one doesn't dwell on complex actions and characteristics representing other things. the sky around the sun just becomes a soup. food-related imagery is always a plus. line 4 tastes like vegetable soup. tomato broth and potatoes.

but the last line is most interesting because it gives action to the stone by redirecting the word "set." the stone is what is actually set into the ring, but the significance of the ring sets a relationship into something solid as well. using the same verb that is imposed upon the stone to give the stone action and impose the same thing upon something else is a clever verbal twist. also a plausible play on the phrase "set in stone." the stone is set into the ring. the ring sets the relationship into stone. good, simple themes of solidarity and smart manipulation of basic parts of speech.

ehammelshaver said...

steve is on the money, here. the "stone" is indeed a clever verbal twist. doc thomas might call this a list poem. i like it for its simplicty. and for how the last two lines are coupled like the story of its conclusion.