27 April 2006

Found Poem in Boehm

There is a girl crying in the hallway.
"Don't even worry about it, Katie,
He's a fucking asshole,"
The other says, standing at arms-length away.
Katie cries, the water fountain between them.

Note: What do you think about the punctuation in this? Too rigid, or does it ground it?
Posted by at
Labels: ,

2 comments:

Stephen Imperato said...

i dunno what to think of the punctuation in this one. i suppose it does act as a sort of grounding wire. the subject matter has this really intense emotionality (did i just invent a word?), and the punctuation adds structure and formality to the sort of super-emotional, blubbering scene that you're describing. it gives the piece a neat sort of duality, putting form and content in opposition to one another like that, but maybe you could try to dramatize the whole situation even more, if thats possible. i love the line "standing at arms-length away." thats the kind of dramatic observations that might capitalize on the intensity of the sadness of this scene.
also, im not sure why i see it this way, but when i read this, i automatically visualize the girl crying, not the one speaking. there's nothing really said about the girl crying besides that she is crying. the dominant character is the girl standing arms-length away. she's the one that gives the scene all of its uncomfortable potency. its interesting to think about it that way, with the character roles focused like that.

28/4/06 11:37 PM
Stephen Imperato said...

this poem reminds me of something...

1/5/06 10:34 PM

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)