Intro to a paper for contemporary issues in professional writing

Please just let me shit out a paper for tues-morrow
because I cannot get on with my life or sleeping habits without a large dissertation on some element of the First Amendment in regards to Vanessa Leggett and whatever other fancy connection I may come up with in my quick searching of Ebscohost using only full-text scholarly journals perfectly cited MLA and never forget the AP stylebook that I purchased just for the class so I can pass and remember to maintain a 2.5QPA in the core required classes so if I were to just say fuck this paper fuck the first amendment and what it means and how it effects me and how I understand its power and implications but do not care to woo a teacher with formal writing about the subject my head would just explode
no.
I would rather write about robots fighting other robots and people who control them but are actually controlled by the robots because there really aren’t any robots it is just a loose metaphorical term for the people surrounding me connected to cell phones and keyboards going through motions regurgitating First Amendment rhetoric for A+’s across the boards that I don’t want to face that I don’t want to drag me down and I don’t want a simple paper accolade
no.
I want to slip a note under Dr Reed’s door with a poem about a spring afternoon lost in a labyrinth of academia piles of dead winter trees yellow autumn leaves burying me before I can break a red pen on the floor so everyone thinks I died but instead I escape through a portal and now only write in green ink in tiny notebooks in hammocks in the afternoon with cool drinks by my side and at night I retreat to my hut in the trees and make a symphony of typewriter sounds as I weed out the terrible words written about the sad times before the rebellion against the rules
and now I don’t wear shoes or cut my hair and even though I have a sunburn most of the time coconut juice always satisfies my hunger